I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i barfeds in our rink
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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