If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
