i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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