everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
