Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
accomplished twins. life is a go
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
