So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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