dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
