CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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