after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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