Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
