I'm so fucking centered right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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