Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
