another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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