he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
