I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
