I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
