If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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