You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
