if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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