you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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