when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my shit smells like andre
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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