sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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