i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize