he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
