ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
