He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
