We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize