you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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