Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
