I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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