I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
