yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
