Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
