I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize