I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
