He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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