He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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