but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
