i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
