My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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