nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize