shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
