so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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