SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
