your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
