a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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