I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
