I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
