Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Life is so much better after having sex.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize