awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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