Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
