I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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