What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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