i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
