friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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