Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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