Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
