I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
