i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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