I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
