im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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