Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
