i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
