just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
