Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
