never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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