i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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