I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
