You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
