do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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