I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize