i was born a porn star she said
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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