It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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